He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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