dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
