She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it's like iHOP with fire
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
