So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
