think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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