I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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