I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
