Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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