break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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