you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
