And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
