Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
