Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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