I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
