I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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