what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My underwear smells like fireworks.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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