sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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