Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have demons in me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
