Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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