it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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