i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
