I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
