That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
