Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
