so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
