She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
