Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
