You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
