Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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