i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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