we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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