I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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