Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
