Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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