Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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