i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A+ Viking dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
