Porn is love you can see.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
