She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
