what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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