Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
