im having a threesome with these popsicles
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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