Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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