we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
