well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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