5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
