like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
