Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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