I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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