you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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