she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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