I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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