you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
