If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
