did you get engaged???
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
