plz talk dirty to me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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