I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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