Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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