I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize