man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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