God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
