i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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