she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
