She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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