I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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