We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im holly from the hills drunk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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