Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize